Just punch me... [entries|friends|calendar] Ms. Self Distruct [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[11 Sep 2004|11:22am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | basketcase-greenday ] PeaceInVietnam (11:21:04 AM): I was just telling my friend to read your PrEpPY CoLlAr p0p application. and i showed her fantabulous michael. She wants to fuck him. hard. shot in a can (11:21:36 AM): Katie, you crack a mother fucker up. PeaceInVietnam (11:22:00 AM): Goddammit, i know. so how's the satanist thing coming alone these wonderful terrible days? shot in a can (11:22:05 AM): oh you know. slow. no one wants to be a satanist and i just cant figure out why. can you? PeaceInVietnam (11:22:15 AM) not a clue. not a clue. I mean, who would wanna hump marilyn manson's face? shot in a can (11:22:20 AM): I WOULD I WOULD! PICK ME!!! i would also love to hump your face. ;) bANG! 5! bought it!

flip-flop-dlip [20 May 2004|03:28pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | leavin on a jet plane-jefferson airplane ] EKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! ALCOHOL! bought it!

posh and superstistious [16 May 2004|10:01pm] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | ready-cat stevens ] i feel things are slowing down. only a couple more weeks of school. yay. michael and i had to stay at the hellhole and do some janitoring. yeah. that was a whole lotta shit. we snuck off early in the game and headed for McBrides and had us some good ol' fashioned hangaburgers and coke. michael added the V to mine in just the right way. harry is sick. we took him to the vet and the dr. said that harry should live muchlonger. i didnt say anything the whole way home. i just shut up and kept looking at the blackness of the subway. we're not puttin him down, thats the last thing i will let anyone do to my baby. i took harry right over to michael's. he is back living at his house. his father is okay now, i think. but i took harry over and we just sat on his bed and talked with the sick poppet in the middle of us. i laughed a lot out of sheer uncertainy and fear. harry and i slept over at michaels house and in the morning we went out to the waffle house! i kept harry under the table and fed him my greaded down eggs i couldnt eat. my poor baby. i have been finding orange hair all over the place. my baby is losing his hair. boo. i love harrykins. bought it!

sing to me Mr. C [12 May 2004|09:46pm] I kinda like it in my brand new place. Dreams last so long, even after you're gone.I know, that you love me and soon you will see... Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk, So picked up a paper, it was more bad news.More hearts being broken or people being used. Put on my coat in the pouring rain. I saw a movie it just wasn't the same, 'Cause it was happy and I was sad and it made me miss you oh so bad cause.... Take a deep breath and a good look around. Put on my pj's and hop into bed...I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead. I, I try and tell myself it'll be all right. I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause dreams last so long, even after you're gone.... bought it!

asdbkjahjk ab ahwiuh sd';aeroueti okn. ok. [18 Apr 2004|07:26pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | mr. self destruct-NIN ] over here the trees give an impression that you belong over here, it seems it should be. violet urges to strip down to my raw, unashamed essentail weapon i want to know your song sing low to me in gentle laps. let rocks lay in hopes visable clear underwater laberith transparently seething. one time-"i" second dime-"dont" third dime-"need" forth dime-"you" fifth dime slipped in the warmth pocket "i'll keep you, for reminding." dipping four unsandled plates into the bed, the external make-up of your undercurrents, pour temporary impressions with moonlit whiskey shinning down his throat. shine with empathy/ i'll let your clear blood ease over my toes, until i walk to the unnatural side the side where they shame you i know you i listen to you bubble with promise. "i'll get them back." and i know for facadethey made you uphold. for that concrete poured into you you'll have that say. but for now, you lay among Hersey milkshake and coors lite bottles with only an empty burger king cup to echo your reason you will be back. i know. michael and i found a man-made pond today. i wrote this from it. it was a beautiful day. bANG! 1! bought it!

hail mary, the chap stick queen of the naughty north! [16 Apr 2004|08:33pm] [ mood | artistic ] [ music | frrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeEEEEEEEEBBBBBBBBBBiiiiiiirrrrrrrdddddd!! ] damn. almost a month, huh? this thing is really annoying. this is what happens when you are a bad girl -you find yourself in ditches -you smoke the rest of your mothers cigarettes and you dont even like cigs. -you become accustomed to being blown off by your best friend for a hoe bag. -you stop caring you're in the ditch -you fall asleep in your own life -you take up sippin wine and coffee whilst listening to sad poety in a no where coffee shop down in SoHo when you are suppose to be in third period history -you space out whenever and where ever you can -you slap your beloved cat when he paws at you for spacing out -your mother convently forgets you're around -the subway looks inviting -you want to be that bum urinating down his leg -you say 'mmhmm' a lot -you havent said a coherent sentence in weeks -your twin cant be bothered to stop having a life and pick up his phone -you cant stop tearing up at little scenes like the one with kids at the park -you buy a pink shirt that sticks out of your wardrob like a sore thumb bought it!

[22 Mar 2004|06:24pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | tainted love-soft cell ] yeah, wel, fuck off. together 5 days bANG! 1! bought it!

home for the hellsling. [20 Mar 2004|10:59pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | mr. self destruct-NIN ] eyy. im sick of my life. iwantoutpeople. why did i promise LAuren i wouldnt self-mutialate anymore. i really wish i had that right now. so i havent updated in a while. get over it. i've been staying with the guys in the nextdoor the most i can. Michael has started showing himself again. him and i are not on so good terms. i chewed him out for worriing me, especially since he was sick and all. he stomped off but came to the apartment a few hours later and cried and told me he was getting worse and he wouldnt go back home to his father. hes a mess and so am i and so is this fucking city and so is every fucking one. oh. michael has a new fling. this chick is nasty. such a fucking whore. damn. i am jealous of her. god fucking dammit, i am....i love michael. more than anything. he means so much to me and always has. all of his flings and chicks hanging off his arms, god they annoy me. they are so flakey. "I love a guy in long, unruly hair!" "That black eyeliner pulls you all together, put some on me!" "that whole gothic look is in, i love it!" shit. date someone because they are gothic? fuck that. michael needs to stop. he needs me. fuck. bought it!

michael michael, wont you please come home! [12 Mar 2004|12:48pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | NIN ] ah, fuck you! michael's been missing since last friday. He's still around. Spunks said he saw him last night at the nextdoor. im fucking pissed! that dumbass bitch whore wouldnt stop by and tell me he's fine OR just pull me out of this hell to go drinking or smoke out. i mean, damn. Im ONLY his best friend. gawd damn. im done. bANG! 2! bought it!

take my soul with you.... [09 Mar 2004|07:32pm] [ mood | right-e-o ] -And All That Could Have Been- I'm guessing you are heavily depressed over losing someone.. or probably more than one person. In case you've never heard this song before.. What Nine Inch Nails song are you? brought to you by Quizilla bought it!

[05 Mar 2004|05:35pm] [ mood | sick ] i was sick today. i stayed home from school. mom went to work and told me not to leave the apartment. of course i did. i had a wicked headache and i went to slaps for some pills to get rid of it. he was hanging down in the nextdoor. god i love that alley. its not dirty and grungy and broken and beaten like other ones. no one really sells durgs, i mean we smoke back there, but its not a big drug network. so i got some pills and picked up a bottle of vodka. Slaps and i hung out for a while. it was nice. since about january, slaps has given up the night secne. hes working the daily now. he sells to adults and drop outs. he wont let me drop out. i turned 16 in novemeber, i almost dropped out. But slaps told me not to. He did to support his habbit and that shit sucks appartenly. all he can really do it sell drugs and work at night. he has nice digs tho. one night i ran away from my house, as dad was there. i cant stand that man, seriously. and they way he played on mom and the way he only ackowledges Reese and not dinny and i and the way that he wont let reese move to new york when thats all he really wants, is to be with me and mom and dinny and harry and michael. i mean thats all i need. all i need is my family and cat and best friend. speaking of which, i havent seen the little bastard in three days. I thought he was sick. when Marlenaasked about her little crush (michael) i seriously didnt know. i think she hates me b/c we are so close. i mean we arent dating or anything like that. its just that she thinks....well i cant get into such a shallow mindset, such as that. well, im off to do...stuff. i think i need slaps to give me more meds, i should call him.... bought it!

god damn this atrosous invention! [04 Mar 2004|05:35pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | lucifer-allan parsons project ] i dont realize how much you mean to me, until you're gone... where is michael, paria? iunno, and why not? what are we attached at the hip? certainly. well i dont know. is he sick yes. yes thats it. bought it!

shove your foot in your mouth. i hope you choke. [29 Feb 2004|01:14pm] [ mood | complacent ] [ music | Reese's voice. ] we watch rocky picture horror show last night at Chase's. After drinking it up at the 'nextdoor'. I was right, we went back down to the 'nextdoor' and found spunks and chip and chase. We boosed it up, the boys smoked and then off to Chase's. it was great. Michael walked me home at like three this morning. i found harry sitting on the chase waiting for me. He stared at me. mother gives me freedom and all that shit, but harry is like the real parent. shut up. i know what your thinking. harry is so awesome tho. and he scolded me for staying out so late, even as mother slept it off. then in woke up at noon to reese's voice on the answering mechine, mom left a note, she and dinny went out. i was alone, so i called back my brother and ive been talking to him. hes so bad right now. he wont tell me but hes sick...Stupid stubbun boys! bought it!

your filthy little mouth. [28 Feb 2004|11:49am] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | please-nine inch nails ] we went to Greenwich Vill. We had breakfast at this ghetto Fabulous place. it was funny as hell. picture this...:::....:::.....A group of black people standing and sitting, filling the entire space with nothing but words and coffee fumes and chatter. Two kids, drenched in black from the shoulders to the shoes, walk and take a table. the air is no longer filled with words and coffee fumes, and chatter, its filled with words and coffee fumes and chatter and dirty looks. I leaned over to Michael and said, "This place is shady and they dont want us here." He leaned back and replied, "I guess that sign, 'BLACK coffee' meant more than one thing." We took ours to go. We walked around aimlessly forever. it sucked because there were no yuppies or forgieners to make fun of. goddamn them. Michael said we shouldve gone during lunch time. whatever. so we came back to my place and mom is still out at work. Dinny is nextdoor with the kids in the next apartment. i dont want to go get her. so Michael and i will prolly go back out to get drunk. We could go three blocks to the 'nextdoor' alleyway. i bet Spunks and Chip will be there. i'm out of vodka. i need some rum and the whiskey is dry. so bottoms up boys. bought it!

Triple thick. [28 Feb 2004|07:54am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | sin-NIN ] woo hoo. its saturday. not like i have any plans. Its not in the cards for Reese to come today. Dad had another "business" meeting, of course and that bastard wont let Reese take the train up here. Its only an hour away, but you know, dad doesnt want anyone happy if he isnt. Im worried about Reese. I am. Hes being sinking into a slight depression, i think. I can feel these things, we are after all, twins. when hes around Dinny and Me, hes ok. He's happy and such. Then he leaves and i see something drop in his face everytime. When he is out of sight, i feel something drop inside of him. I know, im weird. Better news: NINE IN NAILS IS TOURING AGAIN! Holy shit. you know how long i've waited! wow. Michael told me yesterday. Im prolly not going to get to go, we are in a tight money cruch. But michael brought me the newest Shadows Fall Cd. Its ok. but nothing compares to NIN. Michael is sick. Hes coughing up blood and the like. He wont tell anyone. I think he needs to see a doctor. He just coughs up blood in any response. We are gunna go to Grennwich vill. today i think. to make fun of the yuppies, and go to SoHo. g*day. -Paria bANG! 2! bought it!

take me you trival fool! [27 Feb 2004|11:04pm] [ mood | devious ] [ music | yall want a single-korn ] hello. i am paria. this is my hell. welcome... bought it!

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